Does it ever get easy?

I've really been struggling lately.  I have been waking up at 4:15am Monday thru today (with plans to continue through Friday) to do the 30 Day Shred.  It's one of the only times in the day I can guarantee get it done.  It also frees up my afternoons somewhat to squeeze in a run if I can.  But it's hard.  That's EARLY in the morning to wake up.  I'm exhausted by 9pm and back in bed. 

I've also been tracking my calories using My Fitness Pal and while I like how it holds me accountable to what I put in my mouth, especially days like today when I feel like snacking All.Day.Long it's annoying to constantly think about how many calories each item has.  I began to wonder when will it be easy?  When can I eat without thinking about how many calories it has?  When will I be able to sleep in until 5:30 and just get up and get ready for work (pretty sad that I now consider 5:30am sleeping in!)?

But then I realized I don't think it ever will get easy.  Even when I lose these last 12-15 pounds and I'm wearing size 4s instead of 6s, it won't be easy.  Because when it gets easy I stop working out.  I stop running.  I stop watching what I eat.  Then I will gain weight.  I will lose my ability to run 2-3 miles relatively easily.  Heaven forbid I might have to start back at the beginning of the Couch to 5K.  My muscles will grow soft again and I will no longer see definition in my arms as I am beginning to see now.

I think when I first started this process to get into shape after having E I saw it as something that had a finite time limit.  Once my tummy was flat, once I could run X distance, once I had a toned body, I could stop.  But it doesn't work like that.  That puts me right back to the beginning again where I would have to start again.

I need to see this as a lifestyle change.  This is something that I will be doing for the rest of my life.  Because I want to be healthy.  I want to be toned and confident in how I look.  I want to be able to always go out for a run.  I want to be a healthy role model for my boys so they see exercise and eating well as a way of life.  So no, it will never get easy.  But I now believe it will get easier.  I'm just waiting for that day.  :-)